So much has been going on and so little of it I understand. ok so its like this...on Sunday evening the preaching was on the Lord's prayer and I couldn't really get past the first part "Our Father". The Fatherheart of God. That's what keeps coming into my mind after that teaching. I know for sure that although we sometimes limit our expectations of our heavenly Father due to our experiences of our "earthly" fathers, this isn't something that I figured applied to me, because God is so far removed from what my parents are. But on Sunday night I was just overwhelmed with the feeling of actually being "parentless", an orphan. I know Mum and Dad are just down the road but in my day to day life I just don't feel as though I have any parents. I don't have them to ring up to for advice, I can't chat to them, they aren't interested at all in me or my life - unless it would look bad on them. So they can show up for things like weddings, dedications, funerals, but thats about it. Seriously. They just aren't there. I can't even get them to babysit the majority of the time. I have to absolutely beg them to do just watch the children for an hour. Yet I keep putting myself into that place of rejection. It hurts. Each and every day, it really hurts. BUT regardless of that I do remember that God is a Father to the fatherless, that he takes care of the orphans and so that gives me some hope and reassurance. It doesn't take away the pain right now, but it does give me something else to look towards. But the question is how do I relate to my parents? How do I even have relationship with them when every occasion I call or visit is an opportunity for them to hurt me again? AAAGHH! it makes me want to scream.